My Crunchy Zen Era

Nashville Travel Tips, the FTC, and Inappropriate Dating Questions with Sarah Beth Schulte

• Nicole Swisher • Episode 18

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Two words you don’t expect together: margaritas and the FTC. Nashville creator Sarah Beth Schulte of The Tip Jar Nash joins My Crunchy Zen Era to talk creator ethics, brand deals, and her “40 Dates in 40 Days” experiment. We dive into building trust online, what disclosure really means, and how to stay authentic when content becomes business. Plus: a perfect Nashville day, a must-try East Side restaurant, a scenic Tennessee hike, and tips for keeping your screen time (and sanity) in check.

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SPEAKER_01:

What's something crunchier zen that you've done lately? Welcome to my crunchy zen era. Uh this is a weekly podcast filled with a little fun, a little humor, and a whole lot of curiosity. I'm your host, Nicole Swisher, and this week my guest is Sarah Beth Schulte. She runs the Tip Jar, um, a Xenil's Guide to Nashville. Did I get that right? Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, the Tip Jar Nash, but yes, that's correct.

SPEAKER_01:

Tip Jar Nash. Um I first came across you because a fr a mutual friend was like, you should go check out this website or this Instagram. And then I couldn't stop scrolling. And then and then you came to a comedy show. Oh thank you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Yeah, I think our mutual friend was my realtor for the very brief time that I was thinking about buying a house.

SPEAKER_01:

Also my realtor. Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Turn friend. Yes. If ever I buy one, she will again be my realtor. But um, yeah, and I loved your comedy show. And um, I think that's one of the greatest gifts that running my Instagram has brought to me is just the the many different paths, uh the many different people I've interacted with and whose paths have now crossed just because of putting things out on the internet. So it's been fun and it's been great to get to know you.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, it has. And um, can you tell me just about Tip Jar?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah. So I started the Tip Jar. Uh, when did I start it? Um May 2022. I had just moved back to Nashville from DC. I lived in DC for the two years of COVID, which is a whole other story. Um, but was out with some friends. We were doing this brewery crawl through the nations and started talking about Nashville Guru. And I said, I love that website. That's how I learned my way around Nashville, but I know they're not hiring. And so my friend was like, Why don't you pitch to them, just pitch yourself to them? I said, No, I know they're not hiring. What if I did my own? But specifically tailored it for people in their 30s and 40s, and so um I just started thinking about that, and it was originally intended to be a website like Nashville Guru, and Instagram was just designed to point people to the website, and I very quickly realized, oh no, Instagram is that's the thing. Um so now I have both, but I think they're very separate audiences. But I just um that's what I do. I look for things in Nashville to do bars, restaurants, old favorites, new ones, whatever, that people in their 30s and 40s would enjoy. My tagline is because we still want to have fun, but also go to bed at a reasonable hour.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I definitely like to go to bed at a reasonable hour. So I'm a big fan of that.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm already thinking about bedtime tonight. I will be honest.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, I'm going to Zany's tonight, and I'm like, oh man, I'm gonna be awake late. It's a seven o'clock show.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. For real, I have an 11 o'clock party tonight that I would never have gone to if it weren't wait. It starts at a Wednesday night. Yeah, it's an after party for Big X the Plug, who's playing at the Ryman country now, apparently. It sounds like a really fun party. If the person coming with me had canceled, I would not have been sad, but he's like, Yeah, let's go. Nice. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Fine. Yes. So when you started the tip jar, uh, were you working full time?

SPEAKER_00:

I was. Um, I worked for the government actually today as we were recording this. This is my first day officially not a government employee. Um, I took the Doge buyout, the fork in the road, or whatever. And so I've been paid since February to do the tip jar um until yesterday. But I was working, that's why I moved to DC in January 2020 to work for federal student aid. And then after COVID, they said we could stay remote. So I said, well, I'm going back to Nashville. And my DC salary in Nashville is what gave me the ability to start the tip jar because it's expensive to get content, especially when you're just starting out. Nobody's inviting you to anything. You're nobody, why would they invite you? So I was really grateful to have that income and the flexibility of being remote to help me get it started. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And you're, I mean, you're extroverted. Correct. Okay. I'm like, I already know it's a leading question. You're very extroverted. Uh, do you ever get tired of going to all these places?

SPEAKER_00:

Um, I get worn out because especially like it's October 1st, uh starting about two weeks ago until about December 15th. I have so many things on the calendar because that's when everybody's doing their events. That's you know, the holiday season. So I I get tired just from going, going, going. But I really love them. Um, and sometimes like last year I went to I think 20 Christmas pop-ups. That was way too many. I will not do that this year. But that was so many.

SPEAKER_01:

By the end, I was like, I don't want to ever drink hot chocolate again. What would you say you'd want people to know about or that may people might find surprising about content creation?

SPEAKER_00:

Um, I think something I found surprising was that it was how much work it was. Yeah. I just thought when I started, I use Instagram, therefore I know how it works. And I did not. I mean, there it's marketing, it is advertising, and there's so many different types of accounts. Not everybody using Instagram is not a marketer, but when you're a content creator, that is what you're doing. Um, uh, at least in the niches that I'm in, and a lot of Nashville content creators are in. So um I didn't realize just how much work it is to keep up with emails. I didn't realize I've never had to negotiate a contract before in my life. And now I do it at least weekly. And um that takes a long time as an attorney, I'm sure you're not gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_01:

I negotiate contracts too.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Um, and just making content that's going to the public versus going to your besties on your private Instagram is a way different ballgame. There's psychology involved. You have to think about what's my audience gonna respond to. You also have to think about what's the algorithm gonna respond to because if the algorithm does, unless you're truly making it for the joy of making content, which if you are, great. You have to cater to the algorithm, or otherwise, what's the point? Nobody's gonna see it. So there's just so many aspects that go into it beyond, well, I got a free meal and I made a video. Yeah. And I did not, I would see, you know, dancing girls on TikTok or the fashion girlies or whatever. I'm like, they're just getting free clothes and recording themselves. But there's so much behind that that we don't see that I don't think most people realize.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And so what were you in in general? What were you doing in your day job? And was it were there skills that you had learned there that you trans transferred, or was it just like this is a whole new thing?

SPEAKER_00:

Uh it was I'm trying to think if there was any crossover. It was a whole new my day job. Uh my day job with the government was just admin. I mean, purely I uh was the executive officer, which meant I was the go-between for my division and HR and some of the other admin divisions. Um soul crushing, really. Um, but prior to that, I'd worked mostly in higher ed admissions. I worked at Belmont and grad admissions there. I'd worked for a law school. So I think maybe there's some overlap there. And it's I used to call admissions sales light, you know. I don't have to make I don't have to make you sign on the bottom dotted line. Right. But I'm still trying to present the school in a way that will appeal to you and so you can make the best decision for you. I'm trying to be honest and transparent while also representing things in a good light. Um, and I think the psychology of that also translates to Instagram content um of just understanding what people are looking for and what's going to appeal to them. Do you I mean, do you ever run out of ideas? How do you keep them coming? I don't, I think I so years and years ago in the peak mommy blog era, I was not a mommy, am not a mommy. Um, but I had a fashion blog that I never did anything with. But I found that when I was writing consistently, I just sort of saw the world through that lens. I would whatever happened to me, I would think, oh, this would be an interesting blog post.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And so I think that's true with probably m most creative endeavors, is when you get when you train your brain to be in that mode, you just kind of see stuff. Um, so when I'm scrolling, I don't do scroll anymore, except on TikTok. But on Instagram, I don't do scroll. I sort my followers in chronological order, which you can do. I need everybody needs to know that you can sort so you only see who you are following. So I do that and just I follow places like breweries or event venues or whatever that are hosting events so I know what's going on. I follow other creators so I see if they find out about a new restaurant opening and post about it, I'm in the loop. I subscribe to newsletters. I'm on Google Maps constantly. So I'm always like, I want to go get coffee today. Let's see if there's any new shops. And I'll just type coffee into Google Maps and kind of like zoom in and out and see if there's anything new. So I sometimes there are dry spells, but usually I have such a backlog of content and ideas that I What do you do if you are like invited somewhere and then you're like, I don't want to recommend this. Yeah. I try when I'm invited, I try to I well, let me let me go back even further. I kind of have parameters already in mind of the things that I'm willing to post about or not. I I really try to keep things family friendly. I try to stay away from anything political or religious just because I have so many people of different walks of life following me. I don't I want everybody to feel welcome. Um, so I already kind of know what I'm interested in doing and what I'm not. I also already kind of know what's gonna do well and what's not. I know my audience pretty well. So um that helps inform some of my decisions. But if people invite me to a place, I try to never guarantee coverage. Um because I don't ever want to hurt somebody's business, but I I want my audience, trusts me, and I value that, and I want and I value authenticity. That's uh high, you know, that's high on my list of things that I care about is authenticity and honesty. So um if somebody invites me and I don't love it, but I don't hate it, I'll probably post in stories to honor the invitation, but my tell is that I use no adjectives. Like, here's a place. It's a burger. Yeah, yeah. They have this on their menu. Um if it's a paid thing, then I that's obviously guaranteed. Now, if I truly hated it and thought it would be unethical to post about it, I'd cancel the contract or something. Sure. But if it's paid, I try to find some angle that makes sense. Like I did something with Crystal hamburgers, it's fast food, it's not local to Nashville, although I think they are a Tennessee chain, but it this is not why people followed me to find out about Crystal. Right. But since most of my followers are millennials, they love nostalgia. So I tried to tie it in that way. This is nostalgic. I got it like remember, you went to the doctor's office, you'd come back to school with your fast food lunch. I tapped into that and was like, I went to Crystal, brought it back to my office, and yeah. So I'm always trying to think how can I do well by the brand and be authentic to me and honor why people followed me in the first place.

SPEAKER_01:

So do you view your role as like almost like a journalist or like entertainment or like something else?

SPEAKER_00:

Um, that's a good question. I don't I would not say journalist, although sometimes I am lumped into media, which is probably fair, but definitely not journalists. They have a different code of ethics, they have a different they have different criteria. Um it it's just very different. There is definitely an element of entertainment because if I'm not entertaining, then no one watches. Right. Um, so I think it's more I don't know. I honestly don't know what category to put this in. Um but I do I for content creation there is a code of ethics. Um it's a lot, this is a new field, it's a lot loosey more loosey-goosey. Um, but FTC, Federal Trade Commission, has rules that many people do not abide by. I'm gonna start getting on my high horse about that soon. Not not on this podcast, but I was actually gonna ask you about as a lawyer.

SPEAKER_01:

I well, we can come back to it. But that's so funny because I I have but had to learn about that because I have had some clients who are like in the influencer space or engaging an influencer, and I see it all the time now that I know, and I'm like, yeah, you're not like you're supposed to be well, I'm not giving legal advice here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There are things you're supposed to do, please look into it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

There there are ethics and there are legalities. It's a little gray sometimes. Technically, every time I'm invited to a restaurant, I'm supposed to disclose. That seems extreme to me, honestly, so I don't really worry about that. But anytime I'm in pay I am paid, I have to disclose. Yes. And there are many creators who do not. I don't care if you use Instagram's paid promotion, that's Instagram's thing. But you have to disclose hashtag ad, hashtag paid, hashtag sponsored, whatever you choose, you have to disclose. And there are many that do not. And the reason they don't, sorry, this is a little bit tangent, but the reason they don't is because Instagram tends to um not promote your content as much. This is this is an urban legend, but I think it's true. Instagram, I think, assumes if it's an ad, somebody's putting money behind it, therefore they have money to boost it, which pays Instagram. So Instagram wants to incentivize people to boost paid content. Yeah. So they don't uh if you legally disclose, they do not often show it as much. That's that's everybody's theory. And I think that's why most people don't who don't disclose don't do it. And I get that temptation, but it's legal.

SPEAKER_01:

Like it's constantly evolving too. Oh yeah. Because, like you said, it's very loosey-goosey, it's a new industry. And yeah, yeah. I've been up in that Westlaw research.

unknown:

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I need to do more, honestly, because yeah, it's all that to say to your original question, it's definitely an industry, but I don't think it's fair to journalists to put it in that category. Yeah. And but I think it's more than entertainment. So I don't know where it goes. I and I also think it's educational, informative, but that makes you think of you know, wellness influencers or uh the Instagram psychologist or whatever, which we're definitely not that either.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Um, what would you say is one of the coolest like tips that you've given or come across?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I um I this sounds terrible, but I go to so many places that like I have to look back through my phone to remember things. Like I have to see the pictures. And so it's hard for me off the top of my head to remember, oh, that was really unique. That was really cool. One thing that I really enjoy is when something on my account kind of goes viral and random people who don't follow me start commenting. I don't always love that. That's when the trolls come out. So I'm not saying that's a good thing overall, but a couple times there have been Nashville natives, older people who've lived here forever, that bring a very interesting tidbit. One time I posted a meme about um newcomers not knowing how to say De Munbrian. And some people from the De Munbrian family commented and were just talking about their family history a little bit, and so that was really cool. I posted something the other day about where each Gilmore Girl's character would live. And someone said, I don't know about Luke Danes, but Scott Patterson, the actor, did live in Nashville. He played for the Nashville Sounds in the 80s. What? Yes, I had no idea. I knew he was a baseball player back in the day.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, I didn't even know that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, he I knew that. Um, but I had no idea it was in Nashville. I think just for one season. So those are the kinds of things that you have to be a native to know, really, and and when those come out of the woodwork, that's really fun. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Have you had any uh shift in mindset from you know, you started like you said you had like 500 follow followers for like six months and then it kind of spiraled from there. How have you started viewing it differently or like changed the way you I don't know, plan?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Um it requires a lot more planning for sure. Um when I was a small account, it was just literally an hour before I had to I I did post almost every day, but I was like, what can I post about about uh about today? Now it's very strategic. Okay, I need to start posting about Christmas November 1st. Um I know the cycle better. I I have a better understanding of when things are gonna go viral and when people are gonna have fatigue and whatever. So it is a lot more planning. Um, I think the biggest mindset shift is just understanding the value of content. Um, I have firsthand accounts. Somebody I had a real did very well, and I went back, it was about a bar, and I went back, and the bartender was like, I was gonna have to get a second job and I don't have to now.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it was so sweet. I don't know if that's still the case. That's the hard part about content. If you have if somebody posts something, it goes viral, it's great for a business, but they can't always sustain that. And there's right, there's nothing I can do about that, you know. So, so that's the the other side of it. But um, so I know anecdotally how powerful this can be. Um, I know how much work it is. I know um I also know better how the algorithm works, so you're kind of a slave to it, which is terrible. But um, so I think just thinking of it really as a business instead of a hobby was a mindset shift for me. And and again, I think I've said this kind of a few times, but not everybody's gonna think of it that way, and that's totally fine. But for me, it is my full-time job now, and um even when it wasn't, I just really like it and want it to be successful, and so I think thinking of it as a business is the way to do that.

SPEAKER_01:

So it is your full-time job.

SPEAKER_00:

It is my full-time job now, yes.

SPEAKER_01:

How do you make money off of it?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I don't make much yet. Um, I have been saying to people recently, I think I picked a niche or niche. I can't ever decide which I say. I say niche. Okay, that's most common. It sounds like fancier. Yeah, but I grew up saying niche, so I feel like disingenuous saying niche, like a niche.

SPEAKER_01:

I just didn't say it. And then I'm like, this is it. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, so I think I picked a niche that was relatively easy to grow in because everybody likes food, everybody likes drinks, everybody likes things to do, everybody loves Nashville. As opposed to like fashion, for example, it's there's so many people, and you're not as um uh niche down, like anybody can follow a fashion blogger. So it's a little bit harder to grow. But once you grow, it's harder to make money if you're doing small businesses and restaurants with razor-thin margins in 2025, and you know, it's harder to make money in that field than it is to have Amazon or Target pay you to talk about their clothes, right? So it's you know, everything has pros and cons. Um so the the primary way that I or any content creator makes money is a brand pays us to talk about them. And I one thing that I'm trying to educate the world on is to think of an ad on Instagram the same as a commercial, the same as a billboard, the same as an ad in a magazine or a newspaper. That's why um that's why they have to disclose because all of those things have to disclose that they're ads in some form or fashion. Um but that's also why it costs money because you would never expect to take out an ad in the Tennessean in exchange for a hamburger. You wouldn't, and you understand that you're paying not only for their work of putting it in there, but for their audience. And so brand deals for Instagram, that's what that's what brands are paying for to reach our audience and potentially another audience and an audience that they might not have. They don't all of the people following me are not necessarily following Target or whatever. So that's the primary way. Um, but that's not super stable. Um, so I personally have tried to come up with a lot of different ways of varying success. Um, I have a website, so I've got ads on that that are you know automatically generated. Um eventually I'd like to have sponsors for some of my articles there. Um, I have I think one itinerary on my website, but eventually I'd like to have a bunch that you just you just go buy the one that makes the most sense for your trip. Um for Nashville or For Nashville. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um I have a Google map that has all my favorite places on it, pinpointed, and it has a description of the place and the parking information. Okay, that's valuable. Thank you. I also I was like, how can I make this worthwhile to locals? Um, so um, you know, I have uh I have affiliate codes that if you use my code, you get a discount on X, Y, and Z, but I also get a little kickback. Right. So all of these things that I'm hoping at some point will equal a stable income. But we'll see. Entrepreneurship is exciting. I love the flexibility, I've never done it before. Probably not gonna have insurance for a couple months. Like, let's hope nothing happens. Um, but it's not for the faint of heart and it's a ton of work. Yeah, it's exciting though. It is exciting, yeah. Yeah, and one of my friends is always like, believe in yourself, keep counting on yourself. And like, that's a really good perspective, and I want to be able to pay my bills.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, I always am amazed at how much friends like believe in you like more than you do, and it's like I need you in my head constantly.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah. And it's it's so important to have people like that around you.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. Okay, so you did a podcast recently called 40 Dates in 40 Days. Yes. Tell me where that came from, and was it related at all to the tip jar? And where is it at?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, it was very loosely related to the tip jar. So I'm in Enneagram 3. Um, my best friend is also in Enneagram 3. So our conversations are like, what are your goals? Um, and she said, What do you want to do with the tip jar? Like, where is it going? What what are your plans? And she said, Would you like to have a podcast? And I said, I'd love to. I love talking, but I don't know what I would talk about. And she also is very I had gone through a breakup in January, and so she's been my encouragement through all that. And she said, What if you went on a date for every every day for a month? And I was like, Oh, I actually love that. I think people would be really interested in it. So, but what if, because I turned 40 in January also, I was like, what if I did 40 dates in 40 days because I turned 40?

SPEAKER_02:

And she's like, Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So it just kind of went on from there. I was hoping a lot more of my tip jar audience would come over than did. Um, a few did, and I'm grateful for them. Not that many though. Um so I tried to tie it in, like talking about where I went in Nashville, and I think if it had gotten a little more esteem, I could have maybe gotten some Nashville sponsorships or something and tied it more closely. But it was largely pretty distinct. Um, so yeah, I almost real time did the podcast while I was eventually the podcast got too far out, so it wasn't as real time. But the first couple weeks I was going on these dates recording a podcast talking about them.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Um, how'd it go?

SPEAKER_00:

It was horrible. It was the worst experience of my life.

SPEAKER_01:

I did listen to all of them, so some of these are leading questions.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, well, thank you. Thank you for listening. And please lead away. Yeah, it was terrible. I um I loved podcasting. That part was a great experience that at some point I hope to resume. So thank you again for giving me an opportunity to do this. Um, but the actual dates were so horrific.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't understand how you had wait, I do understand how you had so many bad. I just like I thought that there were more good guys out there, and it just seemed like you had bad date after bad date.

SPEAKER_00:

I did. Um, I think there's a few factors. One, I do think there are more good guys out there than I experienced. I don't know if they're not on the apps or but I also know for my male friends and my brother and the angry men on TikTok that they gave you great feedback. Um the women are no better.

SPEAKER_01:

So I think that's probably fair.

SPEAKER_00:

I do think women have it a little bit worse if for no other reason, because we have like more safety concerns than men. Um, but nevertheless, both sides have it really bad right now. Um, so I think that's part of it. I think the nature of what I was doing, what I couldn't vet any of these people.

SPEAKER_01:

So that's what I was wondering if it was partly because it was like 40 in 40 days. Yeah. You just have to go.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, which was part of the experiment. Is like, well, maybe if I hadn't been doing this, I wouldn't have gone out with this person, but they were really great. Well, that never happened. But that's what I was trying to see. So a lot of the bad ones I went out on, I never would have gone out with them. Yeah, period. Did anyone get past a first date? I feel like there were there was one guy that I went on a second date. That is the the one of the 40, uh, which actually I only went out with I think 25 or 26 actual dates. The rest were like singles events, or I went to a bar and just tried to meet somebody in real life or whatever. But in those 40 days, uh 40 days, there the guys in Alaska I went out with a couple times. They were great. But in Nashville, there was one guy who to this day I would a hundred percent set up with a friend. He was a really good guy. I really liked him. He was not a fit for me. Um, but he was he was not a he was great, you know, and that that's part of dating is you meet people and you're like, oh, you're wonderful, but we're not gonna work out. But yeah. So the rest though, I would say of the rest, I forget the numbers now. My my last episode, I like broke it all down, but um I would say probably about 50% were just fine. Not they were just forgettable, uh obviously I've already forgotten them. The other were truly terrible.

SPEAKER_01:

Do you ever think like taking out this particular experience of like going on so many, but when you do go on a date with someone you meet on like hinge or whatever, and it's just kind of like the date's okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Do you generally lean towards going on a second date just to see, or are you the type of person who's like, it should have been great, there should have been a spark?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Um, I think it it really depends. Um I I do tend to so that nice. Guy, I was not interested on the first date, but I was willing to go on a second just because he was a really good guy. Yeah. Um, so if I can tell, like if I can tell it's not an automatic no, then I'll go on a second date. But some of these, like, even though they were okay, I'm still this is yeah, I I had a couple others that I was willing to go on a second date and they didn't follow through or they canceled or whatever. So there were some others that I was not blown away by, but willing to see, and it still just didn't happen. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Are you willing to share your worst date?

SPEAKER_00:

Um, yeah, I think the worst was a guy who hated Nashville. Um, not my this is not my worst ever, but this is my worst in the 40 days. The 40 days, yeah, yeah. Yeah. He um he was younger, so I'm 40, he's 31, he had twins, and I will say, bless his heart, he he does have some trauma from an on-the-job experience that happened that I'm super sympathetic about. Nevertheless, I could tell before I even got there, we're not intellectually, we're not compatible. We're just not the our communication is bad. He has no clue. I said, why don't we meet at five? He's like, a.m. And I was like, what? Why on earth would I suggest getting tacos at 5 a.m.?

SPEAKER_01:

Why is that an option?

unknown:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

So just things like that. But the the kicker, and he's complaining about how expensive Nashville is fair, except we're at a place that had a$9 margarita, which for Nashville is cheap. That's a good deal. Yeah, and he's like, This is so expensive. I was like, this is no, it's not. He's like, but it's so small. I'm like, this is a full-size margarita. Anyway, as we're talking about his children, he says to me, 40-year-old me, he looks at me and he says, Can you even still have kids? I was I wish I'd said so many more things to him than I did. I was just too caught off guard that I like answered him seriously. I was like, Well, yeah. Actually, I said, Well, I don't know, I haven't tried. But I was like, lots of people have kids in their 40s, but I could have been so much more sarcastic. I just was like, oh my god. How old was he? 31. So, but old enough to like know how biology works, and old enough to know that's a rude question. Even if you Yeah, 100% rude. Yeah, like if you want to know that, just say, would you like to have children? And then that gives me the opportunity to say, no, that ship has sailed, or or not, you know, whatever. But I just was so dumbfounded. At the end, I clapped my hands and I was like, okay, let's go. I hated him so much. I can't believe he asked you that.

SPEAKER_01:

I know. Oh my gosh. Um, we I guess we all need a biology lesson in all this. Uh women can have babies at 40. Okay. Um, so any big uh takeaways from the process?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, my biggest takeaway was twofold. One, I was like, my ex was amazing, and I'm still in love with him, and we need to get back together. So does he know this? He does, and I'm gonna make him listen to this episode. Um but so that was takeaway one. Takeaway two is that I will never again judge people for their relationships. Um, as if if their partner's not abusive or um, you know, cheating on them or something that's a like ob universal red flag. Right. If I just think he's kind of a jerk, you know, whatever that you have to live with him. I don't, and there may be other qualities that you appreciate about him that I don't see. Um, or uh if I think he should do more around the house, again, like my therapist always says if you find somebody that's a 70 to 80 percent match for you, perfection does not exist, that's really good. But I, as an external observer, cannot say what their 80% is. And dating is so hard, and finding somebody that you click with is so hard, especially as you get older, especially in 2025, that if you are with somebody that I don't really think is good enough for you, but they're not doing anything actual, dangerous, illegal, whatever, right, then you do you. That's your and I used to be very judgy about people's relationships before this experience, before this experience, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh I mean, I think that's a really valuable takeaway though.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, well, yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, just this weekend my friend actually said if you find someone who's like 70, 80 percent. Oh, yeah. So I don't know if that's coming from somewhere, like a stat or something. But I mean you can't ever find someone who's a hundred percent because you know, they'd be perfect and we're just not.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Um well, and this is a whole other tangent that we could talk a whole podcast about, but I think that's something that I talked on my podcast about purity culture, and I think that's something that the well-meaning church in the you know, early in the 90s, 2000s, probably before, conditioned us to think is that there is this perfect person for you. And and not just the church. I mean, every rom-com conditions us to think that someday our prince will come, and we just expect the prince to come when we're about 24 years old and to have no flaws and for us to live happily ever after. And that's not reality for almost anyone.

SPEAKER_01:

No, and yeah, I feel very strongly about purity culture. We can leave that for another day. But I do I do think, like, as somebody who I'm 37, I'm not married, um, I'm not waiting for a man. I'm gonna have a great life. And sure, if someone comes along, like, okay, great. But you know, that's not how you're complete. And I I don't believe in soulmates or the one or anything like that. I think that we there are probably multiple people that would work.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

But I don't I just you know, dating is really hard right now for both men and women. And so to put too much emphasis on it day to day, taking away your your experiment was very unique. But I I think that it has it can cause people a lot of um unhappiness when perhaps uh putting the emphasis on something else, and by the way, you're dating too could help diversify and have a whole life and remember like you're not waiting for your prince or princess. Yeah, you know, it goes both ways.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, for sure. And I think there's a lot of talk these days about learning to meet your own needs, and that kind of ties into my trying to make my inner child happy. And um I think it's easy to expect your partner to meet all of your needs. And so, if like you're saying, you have a more full life where you're getting your needs met yourself, but also through friends and family and all these other ways, when you're a partner, no matter how perfect he or she is, inevitably fails because they are a human, then you have it within you to okay, like move, you know, this yeah, yeah. So I think you're right, and there is just so much more to life than finding that person.

SPEAKER_01:

And that being said, I'm waiting for this guy, putting it out into the world. All right, so give us um your recommendation if somebody's coming to Nashville, they've got 24 hours. What do they do?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so I actually have an itinerary on my website.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, we'll make sure to link to it. I like that.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, it's uh it my one-day itinerary is free, so anybody can go download it. And I really tried to think about like, okay, Nashville is so much more than Broadway, but if you're only here for one day, you want to do Broadway. So I think I haven't looked at it in a while, but I'm pretty sure I have you starting in the morning in 12 South, going to a couple local spots, doing some shopping, getting lunch, then coming to Broadway for um honky tonks during the day. They're so much better during the day. I agree. Yes, yes. You get to hear live music, but it's not chaotic. And uh you can see if there's anything you want to avoid because the sun's out. It's great. Um, and then I suggested a few places, I think in the gulch for dinner, and then at night, like the listening room or um uh yeah, sorry, I should have looked at it before, but a a live music thing that's not Broadway. Yeah. Um, so just trying to give people the full Nashville experience in a condensed form while again acknowledging that Nashville is so much more than Broadway. It definitely is. Yeah. Support that, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Do you have a recommendation for our audience today?

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. Um, so I'll give you a tip jar recommendation and uh recommendation along the lines of what you're suggesting. Uh, first, if anyone listening has not been to Corey in East Nashville, I'm pretty sure that's my favorite restaurant right now. It's one of my top three. It is uh across from Rose Pepper in that part of East. Uh they do Asian small plates, but they're not really that small. Uh the prices are super affordable. It's in an old house, service is spectacular. It's always busy. It's very loud, but it it feels like you're in a neighborhood where everybody knows everybody and the food's delicious, the drinks are delicious, they've got a good zero-proof menu. So core is my top tip jar recommendation.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm gonna have to try it. Yeah. Sounds good.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, I also am gonna recommend an app called ScreenZen, and it's uh to like block certain apps at different times to monitor your screen time. Good idea. Yeah, I the negative the positive is it's free. The negative is it's fairly easy to turn off. So if you have no self-discipline, then it might not be the app for you. But if you have a modicum, like I do, then you can set it and it forces you to really be intentional if you're if you're gonna turn it off. I use it, I can't use it for Instagram, but I do use it for TikTok because that is what I will just scroll endlessly.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I have one too, I don't remember what it is, but just that extra step makes you think. Yeah, for sure. So my recommendation is the Denny Cove Trail in South Cumberland State Park. Okay. I did it for the first time this weekend, and it's my favorite hiking trail in Tennessee right now. Oh nice. Yeah, it's so beautiful. You do a little bouldering, it's very quiet. You get to the end and there's this gorgeous waterfall, there's a rainbow.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_01:

And nobody was there most of the time that we we just kind of like sat and enjoyed it. Yeah. So Denny Cove. Denny Cove. Okay. Yeah, it's like it's not at the the trailheads for um like the fiery gizzard for the actual park. You have to drive a little further. Okay. So I feel like because it's not as easy.

SPEAKER_00:

The fiery gizzard is also pretty.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I've done part of it. Have you done the whole thing?

SPEAKER_00:

No. Okay. I just went to the waterfall and back. That's why okay.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what I've done. I want to do the whole thing, but I'm I feel like I need to get in a little better shape.

SPEAKER_00:

I I call myself moderately outdoorsy or mildly, I forget now what I say, but like I enjoy hiking, but only if there's a waterfall and I get to go to a brewery after. And no more than like an hour and a half.

SPEAKER_01:

That's it. What are you looking forward to this week?

SPEAKER_00:

Honestly, this is so silly, but this week has been a marathon week for me, and tomorrow is insane. But Friday, I have nothing on my calendar, and I'm gonna clean my house. Like all these house projects that I've put off for months, yeah, doing them on Friday.

SPEAKER_01:

It's a good feeling. Yeah, I like it. I'm looking forward to Beth Stelling tonight at Zane's. Oh love her. Great comedian. Uh-huh. People should go see her.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

So thank you so much for being here.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you, Nicole. This was great. I loved it.

SPEAKER_01:

Thank you guys for listening or watching whatever you're up to. Um, please come back next week. Subscribe, follow us wherever you listen to your podcast. The end. Thanks for listening to my crunchy zen era. Please subscribe and leave a review wherever you listen to your podcasts. This podcast is produced by me, Nicole Swisher, and my good friends Summer Harcup and Liz Colter. Editing is by Drew Harrison Media, and recording is done by Logos Creative in Nashville, Tennessee. Thanks for hanging out. We'll be back next week.

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Nicole Swisher

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